The Hidden Version of Me I Didn't Expect to Meet on My First Solo Trip

I thought I knew myself—then I traveled alone.

Jul 22, 2025

My birthday is always a sensitive time of the year for me.

I’ve let how people choose to show up for me (or not show up) dictate my mood on my special day.

And because it was often marked by disappointment, I eventually stopped looking forward to it altogether, at least the part about celebrating with others.

But for my 27th birthday, I realized that things had to change.

I had to learn to finally celebrate myself and not let other people’s (lack of) energy or excitement get to me. And even if they were excited, I couldn’t rely on that for validation either.

So for my 27th birthday, I decided to take my first solo trip out of the country and be 100% self-centered—no accommodating or considering others, no negative energy, no stress trying to align schedules—everything would be all about me and what I want!

This was not just liberating and exciting because I’d be facing all of the fears that prevented me from traveling solo, but also because I’d been sooooooooo accommodating to others on my birthday—bending my plans and compromising to the point where sometimes the day was no longer about celebrating me but merely an outing.
And yes, that’s my fault for not having the right boundaries in place I know. I’m working on that lol.

Question for you: What have birthdays been like for you? How do you celebrate yourself on your birthday?

But that night, as I was walking back to my room after dinner, I noticed something my butler did that completely caught me off guard and made me stop in my tracks.

He put a birthday banner on my door 🥹

It made me feel so appreciated and seen. I thought about it all night after I got into my room.

I know it’s nothing major, and yes, other doors had birthday, anniversary, and wedding banners on them too.

But as someone who has rarely been truly celebrated on my birthday or had it be made a big deal by the people in my life, this meant so much to me.

I can count on one hand (and not a full hand) how many times I’ve had a happy birthday banner.

And it’s not about the banner itself, it’s about the outward expression or signal that draws attention to me on my special day.

It’s about that external signal that puts the attention on me and lets others know that I’m being celebrated.

That it’s not just a regular day, it’s my day—and it’s an important day because it’s my day.

It’s about the fact that another person went the extra mile to make sure that the day is about celebrating me, and that it’s clear to others.

Somebody chose to celebrate me—without hijacking the day, without my input, without me doing all the work to make it easy to celebrate me, and without me having to ask.

For the first time in a long time, I felt like I received something on my birthday because it wasn’t given out of obligation or asked for.

I felt seen and appreciated.

I exhaled a sigh of relief and gratitude as I walked into my room.

My lovely birthday banner on my door. I appreciated it so much.

The Salsa Class That Exposed My Tendency to Play Small

The following day, I noticed that there was a salsa class in the evening after dinner.

I decided that I would take the class because I had learned something very important about myself the day before that changed the mood of the trip (more on that below).

So that evening, I went to dinner at the Hibachi restaurant and sat at the table with two other families—one being a husband and wife and their two daughters (a pre-teen and a younger teen about 14 years old).

Dinner was great—had another special moment where, after telling the chef I was here on my first solo trip as a birthday gift to myself, everyone insisted on singing happy birthday to me.

Another special moment I cherish of strangers being kind to me for my birthday 🤍

But things were about to take an interesting turn…

I looked at my phone and noticed that dinner was spilling into the dance class.

Although I really wanted to go, because dinner eventually ended 15 minutes into the class, and I didn’t even know where it was, I just figured I’d catch the next class tomorrow.

But as I walked out of the restaurant, I noticed that the salsa class was right outside the restaurant in the plaza.

My first thought was ”Aww they already started I guess I’ll just sit around and watch.”

Meanwhile, the young girls from dinner bolted onto the dance floor and joined in with no hesitation!

They inspired me to do the same, except I didn’t.

I sat on the chair that was right next to the dance floor, watching them and FIGHTING MYSELF INTERNALLY TO JUST GET UP AND JOIN.

All I had to do was stand up and take about 2 steps, and I’d be in.

But I didn’t.

I just sat there and watched because I didn’t find the courage to do the scary thing.

On my walk back to my room, I was so disappointed in myself.

When did I become so rigid?
Why did I automatically assume that because I was late that it was too late to join?
Why did I assume that I needed a partner to join in when it was clear I didn’t?
Why did I have all of these assumptions that talked me out of doing it instead of giving me reasons to do it?
Why even after seeing those young girls run to the dance floor and join in late did I not do the same?
When did I become so afraid of “embarrassing myself” and “looking stupid”?
When did I start caring so much what people would think of me?
Why was I so afraid?
What was I afraid of?
At what point do we as young girls stop being so fearless?
Because there was a point in my life where I would’ve ran to the dance floor just like those girls.
At what point did that change?
At what point will it change for them?
“God, please don’t let them lose that fearlessness. And help me get mine back.”

I decided that no matter what happened the following night—my last night—I was joining that dance class.

3 Things My First Solo Trip Taught Me That Rewired My Brain Forever

#1: I realized that the same lens I viewed the world through was the same lens I assumed the world was viewing me through—and unfortunately, in my case, that was not a good thing.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to leave you hanging on what happened with the dance class—I did it.

I was the first on the dance floor for the bachata class that night.

It was rough at first. I couldn’t relax or be present because I was sooo worried about looking stupid or embarrassing myself in front of all of these people. I mean, it was in the plaza in the middle of the hotel where everyone could see. That’s what made me nervous in the first place.

But eventually I decided to stop focusing on what others are saying or who may laugh, and just try to learn and focus on the instructor.

And as soon as I did that, things shifted.

I actually started enjoying the lesson, dancing with others, having fun, and laughing with my dance partners.

I learned that because I first judged others, I assumed that they were doing the same to me.

Because I was laughing at people the first night (when I sat pitifully and watched because I was too afraid to join, even though I really wanted to), I assumed that others would laugh at me. (In a fun joking way btw, not in a making fun of people kind of way.)

Because I was gauging how easy or hard it was to get the dance based on how well other people got it, or if they looked funny, I assumed people would be scrutinizing me the same way.

The moment I stopped looking around to see if others were getting it—or if I was the only one struggling—was the moment the intrusive thoughts disappeared.

That’s when I finally started to understand and enjoy it.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Matthew 7:1–2 (NIV)

Yes, I know this is a different kind of judgment we’re talking about, and I’m not trying to quote scripture out of context—but that experience brought that scripture to mind and gave me a completely different revelation. Particularly the part about “For the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

The moment you stop judging others is the moment you free yourself from the shackles of what people think of you.

My POV from the dance floor learning bachata

#2: Sometimes what you believe about yourself is actually not true or expired—Explore yourself; explore your life.

Remember earlier when I said that I had learned something about myself that almost changed the mood of my trip?

Well, yeah, I learned that I actually don’t want to travel to relax like I initially thought.

You see, before that trip, my life looked like me constantly working and even running on E sometimes, and barely ever giving myself a proper break. So I always romanticized these relaxing and lavish vacations where I could just relax at a beautiful resort.

So that’s what I did.

But I got bored very quickly.

And I even realized that after going and going and going relentlessly like that for so long, I felt restless trying to relax. It felt so foreign.

The first day was an adjustment—my mind and body weren’t used to just doing nothing all day, so I had to force myself to relax until I eventually felt calm.

I spent the whole first day just relaxing in a cabana at the beach and reading and thinking and doing nothing but relaxing. And I eventually felt relaxed and fabulous and refreshed and all that good stuff.

But by day 2, I wanted some adventure.

On day 2, I wanted to go on a jet ski or do water sports or something I had never done before.

But there was one problem.

I picked a hotel that was secluded and didn’t offer any water sport activities unless I wanted to leave the resort (which I didn’t).

That’s actually why I wanted to do the salsa class so much, because I really wanted to try something new and add some adventure and novelty to my life (something I had no intention of doing before I arrived or even thought I needed).

So I was forced to relax and have a chill vacation, which wasn’t all that bad because my body probably needed it.

I realized I only believed I was someone who just wanted a relaxing vacation because I was constantly overworking myself. I didn't actually want to escape—my body was just begging for rest.

I actually want to travel and have experiences and go on adventures, and I know this from actually testing that theory.

I learned that just because I’m an introvert doesn’t automatically mean I always want to be in a chill, low-key environment.

I actually wanted adventure.

What I thought I wanted was rooted in what I barely gave myself. It wasn’t actually something I’d choose. It just reflected a void in my life.

So since then, I’ve been learning what helps me relax and escape so I can give that to myself and not let burnout dictate my decisions or what I think are my desires.

Explore your life.

Treat all of the things you believe about yourself like a hypothesis to prove or disprove.

Don’t let anything be set in stone.

You’ll discover what you really want once you silence the noise of the voids in your life.

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Everything this trip revealed came from asking hard questions, sitting in silence, and being honest with myself.

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#3: Doing things alone helps you discover what you actually like without the influence of others.

So interestingly enough, I’ve taken a relaxing vacation before this, but I wasn’t alone.

Now it’s my business who I was with, and we’ll leave it at that. 😂

Because I had the luxury of companionship during that trip, I didn’t get bored. I had someone to talk to and share the excitement of experiencing something new with.

But the moment I do it alone, I realize I wouldn’t actually do it to that extent again.

I’ve learned that if I really need to relax, I’d rather go out in nature or book a relaxing massage or maybe one night at a hotel & spa. But my cup actually gets filled better with some kind of adventure or novelty, not relaxation.

When I travel, I’d rather include experiences and things that I’ve never done before. I want to stimulate my mind with new experiences and fun adventures.

Now, everyone’s version of “adventure” is different, but I know mine now. I assumed that I wasn’t “adventurous” because I didn’t like the same kind of adventures that were popular.

But I know now that I just had to discover my kind of adventure.

My solo trip taught me what I actually enjoy and don’t enjoy when I had the privilege of doing it by myself.

I wasn’t distracted by a friend or a boyfriend.

I wasn’t enjoying myself through others or enjoying others, and letting our amazing conversations and fun personalities distract me from the fact that I wouldn’t otherwise care about doing that activity again.

I got to learn what I actually like to do.

And now I can do more of that and share those things with people who enjoy it too, whether that may be through introducing it to the people in my life or meeting new people who already share the same interests as me.

And on a final and personal note to myself on behalf of that little girl that lives on the inside of me…

Don’t ever wait for people to celebrate you again.

And don’t ever allow yourself to be moved by those who don’t celebrate you.

As foreign as it may be to you, do everything in your power to be the hand that claps the most or the loudest voice on your birthday and any special moment in your life.

You may have felt like that crucial human experience was withheld from you, but it’s now your responsibility to do something about it.

You can’t wait around for people to celebrate you in the way you want to be celebrated.

Even though it would be nice, you can’t put the responsibility on others while you absolve yourself from it.

You can’t put yourself at the mercy of others like that.

Appreciate those who do show up for you.

Don’t be passive about those who don’t.

And above all else, make sure YOU always show up for you FIRST.

Question: Have you ever been on a solo trip? What did you learn about yourself? If you haven’t and want to, what’s stopping you?

If reading this made you think about your own patterns, fears, or the version of you that might be hiding beneath the surface, The Best Self Blueprint will help you draw her out.

The Self-Reflection Journal helps you figure out how you got here and what needs to shift.
The Healing Journal walks you through the process of releasing what’s still weighing you down.
The Faith Journal reconnects you to God’s voice and the identity He’s calling you into.
The Relationships Journal helps you evaluate who’s around you and set boundaries that actually reflect your growth.
The Reinvent Yourself Planner turns all that inner work into habits, routines, and next steps.

You don’t have to take a trip to meet the next version of you, but you do have to be willing to look inward. This helps you do that.

Start Your Journey Here

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